that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
