He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
