just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
