Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
