Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
