Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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