Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
