Having a random hookup so left but love u
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
