youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need to stop coming to work sober
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
