if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
