Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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