4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize