This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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