Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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