I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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