I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
