is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
