I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
