pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
