david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
