I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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