No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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