i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
