is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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