Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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