You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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