did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
