I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
