I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
