OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
