I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
