I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
