Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
