Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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