I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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