I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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