You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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