Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Panties = found
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
