Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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