WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Congratulations! We have a period
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