I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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