its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize