Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize