can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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