I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize