3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
