Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
