Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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