I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
