I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
