Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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