Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
