We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
