Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
