She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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