im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
