I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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