I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize