i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
