I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
