if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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