i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's always time for handjobs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
