I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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